Tuesday, February 1
today was not a good day at all, except that the president of the pesu [pe slackers' union] got to skip pe. i sort of keeled over the parade ground while trying to get out to puke in the toilet.. but recovered sufficiently with my head between my knees to puke in the toilet. heh. luckily i made it there safely. then my teacher called my mum and they brought me to rest in the sick bay, where i rested for 3 hours. the bed and pillows are surprisingly comfortable. gave the class a bit of a shock when i turned up for tutorial after that. but i think i'm fine now. i think. lost some of my medicine. shh.
a bit stressed out. history essay due soon, and i don't know how to do it and basically i can't read 2 years' worth of stuff and digest it sufficiently to write an essay. i really have to start reading the history soon. then a new history essay.. a big one. but i guess i can put it off til cny to do. then inter-ct debate. yikes. i have zero confidence in myself, but a bit more in my team mates. i don't think i want this learning experience, i learnt way back in sec2 that i'm a panicky person who really doesn't make sense when forced to think on the spot. but they won't let me back out. darn. so here i sit reading through the info and trying to organise my thoughts. sigh. dead tired.
i've decided to move on and leave certain things behind. i really cannot afford to go through life walking forward looking backward, so i won't. maybe God's letting me be this busy so that i won't have time to think about what cannot be. realised i've got a lot on my hands [in my opinion] but i'm not telling my parents cos i can't drop committments.
1. school work --> tutorials, essays, extra readings that i haven't done, quizes, tests
2. project / debate --> we're all too busy to meet, don't know how we'll get anything done.
3. cca --> YA. not much, only a few hours a week, but it is a committment i place on par with schoolwork.
4. church --> teaching primary one ss. and now i've agreed to do the church bulletin prayer page once a month. seriously i need to learn to reject people.
5. housework --> only on alternate days, but it's so damned tiring, esp when i'm sick.
6. giving tuition --> a committment, but thank goodness it doesn't take that much time, only 2 hours a week and i get a little extra income to pay for the trip, if i can make it.
7. friends --> i've tried to work out my priorities, but they just don't fit. you can't make everything fit into first position. but i'm trying to make friends and schoolwork balance equally.. we'll see how it goes.. because both mean a lot to me.. duties of different sorts. guess the only thing that can take a backseat is my sleep. sigh.
going back to reading the debate stuff someone sent.
it must've been love.
8:44 pm
xoxo
